It is Spring and the Easter and Passover season. A time for new birth and new beginnings. It is a time for families to rejoice in each other and to give thanks for their many blessings. If your family does not feel joyful because of dissension, this is the season to do something about it. You as the adults can take the lead and your children will follow. New beginnings may be hard because it is difficult to change the habits of a lifetime, but the rewards are great and guaranteed. The first step is to encourage yourself.
Develop the courage to be imperfect and to understand that mistakes are not failures but are necessary for true learning to take place.
Compliment yourself instead of finding fault. "I look good today." "I am nice to be with." "That color looks nice on me." Do the same with your family at the breakfast table: "Jennifer, I like the way you did your hair today, you look nice." "Kevin, thanks for getting me the paper, I appreciate your noticing I wanted it." Set an example by accepting compliments.
After you have learned how to encourage members of your own family, you might begin to extend your skill to people you encounter in your daily lives outside of the home.
If your husband compliments you on how you are dressed thank him and avoid making a negative comment like: "How could you like this old thing".
If somebody says you did something well, say, "Thank you, I think so too. " rather than "Oh, it was nothing."
Members of families can encourage each other by accepting each other completely as they are, not for what they could be. Encouragement does not have to be earned but is freely given for effort and improvement.
The words of encouragement are: "I like the way you solved that problem with your friend." "I have confidence in your judgment." "I think you can work out that problem." "Look at the progress you've made." "You're doing fine." "You spent a lot of time on that and it shows." "It looks like you had fun doing that." It is not easy to change from a discouraging person to an encouraging one. Discouraging people only speak when they have something negative to say. They know how to tell members of their family what they are doing wrong, but they do not seem to have the sentences to tell them what they are doing right or even how much they enjoy and love them. This is a grave offense because of its far-reaching negative effects on everyone in the family. It hurts, and in severe cases, it destroys the spirit of family members. Some children never recover.
For one week, try having everybody in your family focus on the positive.
Comment only on the positive things that are happening.
These sentences might be: "Thanks, that really helped me, I appreciate your thinking of it." "I really enjoyed the conversation at dinner tonight." "It made me feel relaxed after a hard day." "I need some help with this, you're good at it." "Will you help me?" "I didn't have to pick up after everybody today, that really made me feel good." "I felt appreciated."
It takes practice and time to become an encouraging person. If you as parents, however, are able to model this behavior successfully for your children, you have not only made your job easier, you have given them a skill which will enhance their lives forever. After you have learned how to encourage members of your own family, you might begin to extend your skill to people you encounter in your daily lives outside of the home.
After that, who knows, you may be ready to take on the rest of the world. What a wonderful Easter and Passover gift.
First published in 1996
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